I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it because I queefed?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
