Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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