WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
