Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
