apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
