What a fucking waste of an outfit
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
