soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
