So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
