Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
