...so i touched it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
