I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
a search helicopter?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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