I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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