Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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