what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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