im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
