New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
