We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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