Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
