Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
