Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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