guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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