had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
