dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
