if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
