Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
