Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
