He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
