i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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