What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
