I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
