Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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