you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
