His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
