She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize