Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
