My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
