After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
