My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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