u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
