ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
