Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
