Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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