So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize