You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
