I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
how does that bad decision feel?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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