i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
