I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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