i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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