do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
