I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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