Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
