It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
