do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
