You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
