making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
