Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you win again, gameday.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
