Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
