Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
