I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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