i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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