WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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