Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
