I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
