I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
