Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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