Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
