im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
