Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize