did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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