whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
