I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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