your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize