dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
