Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have post one night stand depression
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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