Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
