when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
