I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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