his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize