guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
