That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
