I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
