I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize