This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
