Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
