What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
