My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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