God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
