Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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