I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
