soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
