i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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