Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
