I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
