I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize