Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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