Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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