drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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