I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
