if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
