i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
