Im at strip club and am horny
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
