Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
