Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They took my balls.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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