That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's get the cat blown out
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
