): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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