while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
