She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
