I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All the doctor said was why
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
