Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
