ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
