Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
no, he came in my armpit
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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